And so 2011 ends.
It’s been quite the year. I’ve struggled with my son’s placement, and seen that placement end the year with trauma – and no sign that anyone is going to do anything to help. I’ve watched my other son catch his balance only to lose it again, several times over; the wonderful thing is how he always manages to catch it. And I’ve watched my daughter blossom into a lovely young woman who is on the verge of leaving the nest – and she’s been so eager to be gone for so long now.
With my marriage over and my children stepping into lives of their own, I can’t help but wonder what lies ahead for me. I have wonderful friends who are supportive and kind. But my family of origin is gone – departed or elsewhere – and I find myself feeling very much alone. I have a job that I love and hate, sometimes in the same moments, and I wonder just how much good I am doing for anyone there. I have to remind myself that for every student who hurls vitriol, there’s another who whispers with gratitude. It’s hard to remember that gratitude in the midst of the deafening thunder of anger that roams the halls of my school.
And gratitude is what I need most. I find myself struggling to remember the blessings in my life. I seem to have fallen into a pattern of thinking about poor me, the one who has to, instead of lucky me, the one who gets to. I want the rest of my life to be about that latter me. I want that latter me to do some reaching – poor me has spent way too much time watching the world throw things at her. It’s time for lucky me to start pushing her way in the direction of the light.
